I always wondered as a child why grown-ups had to lie so much. I particularly remember this one time at the bus stop with Mumma when she was telling someone an incident which was, let’s say, manipulated to sound more interesting. To me it sounded like a lie, the thing that could not be had from me, and I could not fathom why it was being used without a reason. Now that I am all grown up, I can’t say I don’t understand.
If memory serves me right, my initiation into lying came when I was asked to make excuses on behalf of my parents on the phone. Adults hardly realize what they are getting themselves into when they teach kids to lie, because once I understood the art of deception, my parents were my first victims.
Like in the 5th grade for instance, I must have had at least 20 absences from school on account of suffering from diarrhea. A trip to the loo every half hour, 10 minutes in, sound of the flush, the fragrance of soap on my fingers (not to forget he sorry face) and everyone was fooled. When it got too frequent however, Mumma made me come out without flushing, and well, my cover was blown.
Goes to show that the deception can only work well if, firstly, you can systematically control the frequency of your lies and mix them with unabashed honesty once in a while (unabashed honesty to show that you aren’t someone who is afraid of being honest) and secondly, you alternate blatant lies with omission on a few occasions.
A year back I was severely reprimanded by a friend when I chose to make a very unnecessary confession to someone at the risk of (and eventually resulting in) a week’s loss on the self esteem front. He said this –“You girls and your so-and-so-has-a-right-to-know! I just don’t get it. If you know it will get you in trouble, don’t say it! Don’t lie, but just don’t say it!” In retrospect I have to admit he was right. On a very live-for-the-moment level, but wise nonetheless.
There are a lot of layers to lying, owing to the fact that with lies you always have lots of options. I know people who would always use the most bizarre and in-your-face lie, to make it amply clear to you that they are lying and in effect, leave you speechless. I know people who always use the most neatly crafted lies with all the loose ends tied up and leave you with the impression that their lives are right out of a Sommerset Maugham short. I also know, and find most interesting, the people whose lies are very real and extremely ridiculous and hard to believe. The only option left with you in their case is to rely on the wisdom that a lie so ridiculous, can only be the truth, because if they were lying why didn’t they come up with something better? But I am yet to know a person who doesn’t lie.
Imagination plays a key role. Great skill and creativity are required to make us come up with the most unique alternatives to the truth. And hence, they call it the “art” of deception. Look around and I’d say it is one of the most well practiced art forms in the world today. In terms of honesty, there are only two kinds of people here; ones who are good liars (deemed honest) and ones who aren’t (deemed dishonest). If someone asks you to be honest with them, what they really mean nowadays is, either lie and be good at it or don’t lie at all! Consequently, honesty is indeed the best policy (pun intended). But what bothers me into writing so much, is not that people lie. It is the fact that the way things are going, it has become extremely difficult to not lie, and yet coexist at peace with those around you. The facades we all carry are so important to us, that we would rather lie than admit that what people see, when they accidentally peek behind them, is actually true. Is plain honesty really that hard to achieve? And if it is, then shouldn’t lying be made a part of the moral science curriculum, to give every kid a head start?
